Another battle wound

Today, I only spent 1 hour waiting to see the doctor. This time it was with the surgeon from Menlo Medical who is doing my biopsy.  I am counting the minutes until my body and mind begin this "wild ride". Tomorrow at 6:45 in the morning I go in for another CT scan then the surgery is scheduled for this Thursday at Stanford Hospital. The plan is to get tissue from a node in my abdomen through a laparoscopy making two small incisions. Of, course there is always a flip side. Due to the vascularity of the abdominal walls, this procedure may be aborted and an "open" surgery will be required. This falls under "major" surgery and I will have to stay in the hospital for several days to recover. Either way, I can chalk up another scar added to my list of many . Just how I  wanted to spend my Memorial Day weekend.  All this added stress and anxiety and I have not even started treatment. I am feeling weak by allowing  "yucky" thoughts fill my mind. "What if there are surgical complications and I don't even make it to treatment?"  Then, there is the feeling of, "what if they mis-diagnosed this and there is even  bigger "beast" living inside me?" I know, tell me to stop thinking like that!  It's all part of the emotional baggage you deal with on a chronic basis once diagnosed. The negative voices never go away, you just fight hard to keep them as quiet as you can. 

My favorite part of today is: being one day closer to getting help.

The worst part of today is: being one day closer to getting help.