Sunday, July 6, 2008

Round 2

                                  My Mom and I.
It is getting harder.
This was round two, almost halfway there. I am starting to really feel the effects of the drugs.
 My "cocktail" consists of four chemo drugs, this one is called "Doxorubicin". In my case this drug hits me the hardest. It is responsible for all my hair loss, severe nausea and stomach cramping.
I can't even look at any beverage that has a similar color without heaving. 
I had this drug the first time I had chemo and am reaching the lifetime maximum dosage a patient can have.
This drug causes heart damage which is why I have had a heart scan and am scheduled to have another scan next week to determine if we can continue this drug.
 It robs us of our "vanity" by giving  us the physical appearance of a real "cancer patient". In my case, wearing scarfs and doo rags only to feel strangers looking at me wondering, "oh, poor thing, I wonder what kind of cancer she has? or worse, "Is she going to live?"
You can't help but "feel" these emotions when you see the looks you get in public. They seem to be extra nice but you can't help but feel their pity. It makes me want to wear a sign saying, "Yes, I have cancer, but I am kicking it's ass and I will be fine!
After being "down" for a week this time, I  have been enjoying the past week. Back in the saddle 
for those "grueling" lessons from my trainer. Not that I am complaining. I am blessed to be able to stay so active and maintain some of my strength and conditioning while I am going through this. It is my "plug" to stay charged so I can fight this while keeping a positive attitude for myself, as well as my family and friends. It's bad enough I have to look like a cancer patient, I sure won't let it make me act like one.

The best part of my day: Having Kaila come home from her trip to Tahoe.
The worse part of my day:  Doing seven loads of laundry.


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