Getting ready for another battle

After my last blog update, I am happy to report the past week ( third week ) has been filled with "good days". Almost feeling like nothing was ever wrong with me. Escaping from the disease and the horrific treatment to "kill" it. Food began to taste good again, no aches or pains, my energy and stamina returns. I feel good enough to take a quick trip to the coast with my lovely husband to escape the heat wave with it's 100+  degree temperature. We have a great time.

As I am enjoying these days I think about how much cancer has changed my life and all who are in it. If I can say anything that I have learned to my family and friends it would be to create joy in your world. I never think of myself as a "sick person" and looking at me, you would not either. In fact every doctor that has examined me and there have been many, say to me, " if you did not tell me you had cancer I would never know, you are so healthy".

We wait for our closets to be cleaned, our to-do lists to be complete before we allow ourselves to have fun. We believe only after we get our "stuff" done we can take a breathe and live.

Well, cancer does not wait. Live now, burn the lists and narrow your focus to what really matters. 

When your heathy, you think cancer is so far away. But when you are sick, you realize that it is all around you, just open your eyes. Even though we think we have control over everything in our lives, we don't. 

There are things I am changing in my life, but for the most part I had already learned how precious life is and am living the best life I can. Learn from my experience. Remember what you are waiting for?

Live well. Be happy.

The best part of my day: My 13 year old daughter Shae. shaved the rest of my hair and said, I looked cute.

The worse part of my day: Knowing my third week was over. (tomorrow is chemo day)

"Healing Horse"

                                                         artists: Shae and Kaila

                                   

I woke up yesterday thinking," today is not going to be a good day."

Besides the severe headache that woke me up, my body hurt, my insides felt like they were being eaten away. Is that the chemo working? Along with the tumors being destroyed, so am I.

I hesitate to reach for any pain meds in fear that I am contaminating my body, but what I am afraid of? It does not get any more toxic than this. I try to continue to eat healthy and organic. Is this helping? Perhaps, for my mind only. I cannot add another piece of poison to my body.

Juicing my "greens" everyday, grinding wheat grass, which by the ways, sucks and tastes like I am eating a by product of a old lawn! Avoiding all my favorite "bad" foods, like "In and Out Burger" and a good old fashioned hot dog. Not to mention the foods I am ordered by the doctors not to eat, like my all-time favorite, sushi, salad bars and  french cheeses. Since one of the side effects from the chemo is a condition called  "neutropenia", this is caused when your white blood cell count drops and you are unable to fight simple infections such as from a cut or cold, and the ability to fight off any 'bad bugs" that might be in raw food. One bad bug could put me in the hospital or even worse. (we won't talk about that)

 I get a shot of "Nulasta" after each infusion. This shot revs  up my bone marrow to produce more white blood cells and with this comes intense bone pain especially in the lower back and hips as your marrow works in overtime to produce these cells quicker than the chemo can kill them off.

This is day 8 after my first round, about the time that my counts can "bottom out". I have realized that is why I  feel like SHIT. I am hopeful that the days to come will be better and next week should be my best week. Then we start over again...

My family continues to be at my " beck and call." Never leaving me alone and always offering their help. My youngest daughter, Shae has given up her summer vacation to be my personal nurse.

She has not left my side for a minute. Be careful not to say anything about "mom" when she is around , she has my back! 

 Knowing I had a pretty awful day yesterday, I woke up this morning to my surprise was a 5

foot "healing horse" made from paper towels, Clorox wipes, toilet paper rolls, and a ribbon for a tail. My daughters worked all night to create this for me. You can only imagine how happy this made me and what a proud "mama" I am.

Today, I WILL feel better.

Best part of today: My "healing horse".

Worse part of today: Feeling sick.

"Heers to Hope"- Lymphomathon

WE DID IT!

Me and the Lovazzano gang walked 5 k

through Golden Gate Park on Sunday.

Only four days after my first chemo!

I am proud to say the team I was on,

"Heers to Hope" was the top fundraiser of the event, raising just shy of $18,000 for Lymphoma research. Thanks to all of you , I was very pleased and honored to pledge my donation .I had the opportunity to met fellow survivors, especially Andy and Brigid whom I met online after a few days of being diagnosed. They both have survived Lymphoma and the treatment and are now in remission. Brigid just had her "miracle"baby five months ago and they are doing very well.  Being able to share experiences with fellow patients and survivors,  good and bad, helps with the coping process. Having my brother and sister in law and their entire family all the way down to "little" Tina , age 7, walk with me and my family was truly inspirational. We have decided to make this a annual event and plan to recruit many of YOU in the future.

On the "horse" front, while I was walking for Lymphoma, my trainer took one of my horses, San Diego ( my "fancy" horse) to a horse show in Santa Cruz. This is super news because she rode him in a Dressage test at "Prix St. George" level. "So, what does that mean?"

There are nine levels in the sport of Dressage. Grand Prix is ridden at the Olympic level. Since most horse and riders do not ever leave first level, to be able to get to Prix St. George, which is only three levels from Grand Prix is the equivalent to being recruited to the NFL. ( almost)

For us "horsey" folk, it is very big news!  The training is intense, takes amazing skill from both the horse ad rider and requires extreme precision and harmony. All of this is being done for me for encouragement, motivation and the true will to survive. So, when all this crappy poison and disease is out of my body, I will rise up, saddle up my horse, dance into the arena and blow the judges away. Don't let me forget that!

Best part of my day: Getting a massage. Ahh.

Worse part of today: Coming off the prednisone.

I can feel it in my veins.....

I arrived at Stanford at 9:00 am. Along with my hubby and a tote bag full of movies, books, and lot's of Gatorade. First, we stop by the lab for a blood draw then on to the clinic to meet the doctor before I start the chemo. FOUR HOURS LATER, I check into the infusion center.

Since my first treatment will take the longest to administer (6-8 hours) they rush me back and I am settled in a private room. Finally, the catheter is inserted and the drip begins. Since the main drug used for NHL called, Rituxan can give severe side effects, it is administered very slow and my vitals are taken every 15 minutes.

From the first drip, I can feel it "attack" the tumors and kill all the cancer cells. I softly, tell my body, I am sorry to do this to you, again. I try not to think about how much poison is going into my otherwise, healthy body. Destroying all the good cells along with the bad.

 Oh, how I am praying that this will work!

 Aside from the "stabbing" pain in my stomach, I tolerate the drugs just fine. With Bruce and Cheryl ( by the way, she made sure I was well taken care of ) by my side the 11 hour visit went well. We got back home after 8:00 pm. It was a long day.

Feeling  afraid to wake up this morning to find myself in extreme pain, but thankfully  I am feeling  flu-like symptoms and tolerating it well.  

I am really looking forward to the walk on Sunday. I am amazed and so grateful for all the generous donations my friends have made on my behalf.  This inspires me, and I will not let you down.

 Thank you for all the "funny" cards and e-mails you send me. Remember, no tears. 

This is only another road block in my path that I will get through, so long as I have all of you in my life, I can conquer anything!

Best part of my day: Seeing my donations

Worse part of my day: Being stuck at home, today.

The First Step

Last night I took the first step to being in control of my treatment. My lovely friend, Rosanna

gave me my pre-chemo haircut. All of my hard work to grow out my hair from the last chemo, fell to the ground until there was no more hair to cut. Rosanna being the great stylist as she is,  still manged to give me some "style", even if it is only for a few short weeks until it is all gone. Looking in the mirror it instantly brought back memories from the first time. Memories that I prefer to forget.

I find myself spending the last couple of days before treatment scurrying to get everything I need or at least think I need. Like plenty of fluids, I am supposed to drink gallons and gallons of fluid in order to flush my body of the chemo toxins. The chemo works the minute it travels through your veins, it passes through the tissue then immediatly needs to be "flushed" out as much as possible in order to help avoid severe side effects. So you can see why keeping hydrated is key.

I am happy to say I enjoyed the weekend spending time and enjoying dinners with friends and family. I also, was back in the saddle and resumed lessons with my trainer. As usual she had me sweating and out of breath within minutes, she yells, "get the job done", with no mercy, she works my butt off. This is one of the things I love about her. She is another special person in my life determined to keep cancer from taking over my life.  All of this reminds me of why I am fighting so hard to stay alive. It was a good weekend.

As you may have heard, I am planning on joining the San Fransisco Lymphomathon this Sunday for a 5k walk. This will be only 3 days after my first infusion but I am honored to walk on behalf of this organization to raise funds to find a cure for  lymphoma and help all those affected by this disease. My daughters, Kaila and Shae along with my husband, Bruce will join me. Grandma might have to sit this one out. All of you are welcome along with your four legged friends to join us.  Please visit the website for event information or to make a DONATION

at www.lymphomathon.org

Thank you, my cherished friends.

The best part of my day:  My new "empowering" haircut!

The worse part of my day:  Today, nothing.